Last night I dreamt of the whole family quarelling, or rather more of me and WW talking back at PILs. We were at the second floor living area (this doesn't look like our current house) where PILs, the elder SIL and her hubby were sitting on the sofa watching tv. I was busy doing housework (what else) and climbing over the sofa to get to another area behind them. The rest stayed glued to the tv. I grumbled about how unautomatic they were. Later another scene took us to my mama's place. WW and I were having dinner with apa ama at the dining table. After the meal it was around 9plus pm. WW and I proceeded to do more housework. Mama asked why such hurry? We sadly pointed out that at our current pace, we could only get the chores done by midnight with each of us having 3 outstanding tasks. I was thinking of work the following day and felt kinda peeved that I won't be getting enuff sleep.
At that point I woke up, feeling a little of the unhappiness from the dream. Wonder if I've been suppressing too much of my feelings. Sometimes I also wonder how different things would turn out if WW and I were staying on our own. Would I be so obliged to do chores and make the family happy? It seems I'll never be able to break out of this obligatory arrangement and having to be play my role as good daughter (-in-law) everyday. Will I ever be able to break free and not have to fit into any roles? Why can't I be like some of the others who don't bother at all? Not that I dislike playing my roles, but when I perform my duties I want to do it at my best. I suppose my most carefree days were those in hostel, where I got total freedom to do what I want to everday.
Well, enuff of lamenting. Gotta start work in office. Will try to bear with next one month where elder SIL and her troop of 5 and another 2 dogs will join the household. I predict more duties to play. I dunno why this have to happen during this time, when I should be resting well and getting my own way.
On a brighter note, we'll know if it's a or tomorrow!
4 comments:
good to have you blogging again! I feel that I'm not in touch with your world when u were not blogging
Tot it's nice to blog the feelings while being preggie, else next time I don't think I'll remember. Any chance of you blogging again?
hey girl, its peipei here. Hope u dont mind me reading ur blog. =)
I just wanna encourage you and I could just imagine how much u are struggling internally.
You have the right attitude and trust me, alot of girls wont have the patience to put up & endure what you r doing for the family. Plus u r working & with a child. But all these just reflects on how good your upbringing is and how sensible and mature you are. I am sure WW will treasure u even more.
When will u be having ur own place? I think you can finally heave a sigh of relief when u have your privacy & space.
Oh, and congrats for being pregnant!! Think positive!
heh, when i have something nice like yours la...now i just put stupid stuff up on facebook :p
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