That Won’t Help Matters

Mama was telling me, in a very agitated way, how my Dad loses his temper ever so often these days. Firstly it was the outburst at NTUC counter at the lady (who always helps him pack the groceries onto his wheelchair) over something irrelevant; then there was the rant at the kindhearted soul at Ya Kun who was helping them buy teh. These days, I do notice Dad getting angry quite easily too, sometimes talking loudly till almost shouting at Mama.

Yes, it’s no good to get angry like that, but I believe he doesn’t want it this way either. What my mum does is detrimental in helping Dad cope with his temper, and in my opinion, may just make his temper worse. When you know you are short-tempered, the last thing you would want is to be term “坏脾气”. It’s like you knowing your greatest flaw, yet keep having someone criticising you of it. If you truly want to help someone get over his flaw, give him your encouragement and not your critical remarks.

However, in one way it’s true too that my mum has hardly any other channels of venting her bottled-up emotions. For us, we could easily go online, chat up with friends or seek retail therapy. But for Mama, she has few close friends and bases so much of her life on family, cooking for us everyday and going out only when she has Dad’s company. So sometimes I try to lend my listening ears, let her tell me her complaints and hope she feels better.

At the workplace, an initiative by the top management has gotten some of the scholars uneasy. Their direction is obvious, and my advice to the rest is not to take heart as the future lies in one’s own hands. To everything downside, there is a bright side or opportunity which we may not be able to see straightaway.

Also, these days I tend to feel less affected by the events happening around me. There seems to be this judging of things in a single dimension (the middle path?), to view things from a particular perspective (enlightment?). I think this could be the effect of believing in what I have been reading these days, on the impermanence of things and how we should treat others with compassion. This may sound boring but it does bring some level of calmness in spirits which makes me feel somewhat happier.

Here, we have to draw the line clear between immunity of feelings towards life (aka indifference which could be due to the mundane work life) and the resistance to rocky events that happen so dynamically around us. You have got to maintain your core values that serve as a strong foundation to see you through life. Like an outer vulnerable body with a metal inner core that regenerates cells and skin for the outer shell whenever it rots away. Hmm, what an analogy.